um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
