found the other keg... it's in the tree
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
