ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
