I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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