This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
