I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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