why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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