Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
