vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize