Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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