we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
