you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
