Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize