if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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