to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize