i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
