we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
