once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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