Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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