Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i now understand why vodka
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
