He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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