1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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