"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
