Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
No more Irish car bombs ever.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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