He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
my shit smells like andre
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize