Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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