She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
