One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
