Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
