Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
