Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
two words...techno handjob
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
