What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
