no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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