I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
