Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My cat gives me a boner
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
