She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
