there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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