If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
