So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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