I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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