i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
