but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
