And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
