I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
