My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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