I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
