I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize