I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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