I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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