somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
