it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize