i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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