Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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