When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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