Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Randomize
