the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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