the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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