If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
