I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
