Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You smell like stripper and shame
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
