I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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