Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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