I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
