If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
