Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
