It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
