No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
