I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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