I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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