Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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