Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
